Have been real busy lately. The fourth family member has arrived (puppy) and it’s really a big job raising her. Last week I was having a real hard time. Feeling suicidal. Had a good talk with Brandon though on thursday. Then I talked to two old therapy friends of mine and I was very surprised of it but it was very nice to talk to them. I actually cried a lot about how bad I was feeling and how stuck I was feeling. Anyway, then I had the final talk at the old treatment centre (as written in my last post).
Saturday I got the puppy and my whole life was actually dedicated to her. But my mind was still having a hard time. A lot of break downs. Calling my mum up in the middle of the night. On Tuesday the two (old therapy) friends came over and we had a lot of fun, talked and had a lot of fun. I felt really supported by them again. Because they knew how hard it’s been on me.
Wednesday I saw Brandon again and at the start of our talk it actually looked like it wasn’t going anywhere. I was totally closed up, but somewhere it turned and shifted and I opened up and we had a really good talk. I was able to talk about the thing going on in my head and I really got the feeling of being able to do this again. (which was a long time ago, I had this feeling)
He told me, which I agreed, that I need to put my defences up at some points.
I saw a friend of mine that afternoon and she looked at me and said ‘your talk with Brandon went well, didn’t it?’ Apparently it was all over my face. She told me she saw me smile again. (A true smile)
A friend is coming over in a bit.
Tomorrow my sister and another friend.
I’m busy, but good busy I think 🙂