NO I won’t go to the police

My last post was in Dutch.
Here it will be in English.

One of the things I have learned in time is that I am someone who just says what he thinks. That’s what I will do right now.

I am against going to the police for a sexual offense in the Netherlands.

The whole organisation behind it is what makes me so disgusted. It’s something I always used to say, watching the TV and seeing people getting away with stuff (what’s the point then?) but now that I’ve actually went through the whole thing myself I really am against it. Holland sucks when it comes to taking care of victims of sexual offenses.

I know there are a lot of budget cuts in this whole system and that, that’s a part of this thing but either way, it still stinks. At the end of the day it still was more harmful to me to press charges than actually let it go. And that shouldn’t be the meaning of it, right?

“You don’t want the offender to keep running free?” Ofcourse not. But me going to the police won’t stop that. The low punishments here will do that all on their own. The legislator made sure of that.
“You don’t want the offender to do that to other kids/people do you?” Ofcourse not! What a *** stupid comment! When did I become responsible for the actions of other people? Let me remind you again, even if I went to the police, the chances of the person being locked up are very low (if they are locked up, it’s probably for a few years), so there will be enough opportunity for them to do it again.

I went to the police, which is very hard, describing everything to the very detail, they told me they’d get back to me in 3 months. After 9 months of not hearing anything I called them. They told me my case did not have any priority. (Well okay, that hurts but I can understand in some way)
A year later some people were heard by the police and they collected all the evidence and send it through to the public prosecutor.
That person apparently decided to sit on my case and wait till it was ready to hatch like a chicken for about 3 years. Mean while, every now and then they send me random letters with questions. (let me tell you, each letter from either the police or public prosecutor made my heart skip a beat and make me go through the whole thing again. Simple letters like “We are going to get ABC in for a hearing”/ “we just heard KLM and are getting things together”/”your case will be forwarded to the public prosecutor”/”would you like to be updated by us?”) I answered the question letter and send it back.

Then I didn’t hear a thing from then in a long while. And you can forget calling them. They’ll keep sending you around, and around untill you feel like yelling to everyone on the phone, and of course you will be charged for yelling at a civil servant :’) so, you just wait patiently. 

1,5 years after the one letter asking me some questions, I got the exact same letter (it even said that I didn’t respond 1,5 years ago even though I had to within 14 days). Well, filled it in and send it back. Changed some things, I didn’t feel like talking to the public prosecutor anymore etc. I mean, at this point I felt like I went to the police 500 BC and it’s 2014 now.. so, no. Meanwhile  4 or 5 years have passed (almost a quarter of my life). 

Also during this whole period, society expects everything from you. Get on with your life, act normal etc.

Then the public prosecutor apparently decides the egg has hatched. I got a letter that the hearing would be in 14 days. Btw, you should get a lawyer. (well, it wasn’t written like that, but that kinda was the message)

I just got my life together, I actually got into university it was actually going well (!!!) and now they just pull the ground away under my feet. They decide… I don’t have any say in this (you see.. powerless, reminds of trauma, trigger)

Needless to say, I broke down completely. Crisis after crisis. Popping pills like crazy. 

I really am disgusted with the way they handled things. Oh and the budget cuts in the health care as well, it’s getting harder as it is to get decent help, especially for complex trauma.
I can honestly say this case did more bad than good and I’ll never go to the police again for something like this.

If you want recognition? Your psychologists will give it to you, the right people around you will always give it to you.
Besides, the lawyer from the offender will dig a whole in the ground for you so deep you’ll lie next to the core of the earth. Apparently he didn’t have a conscience or maybe he does the same thing in his free time.

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3 thoughts on “NO I won’t go to the police

  1. it is absolutely disgusting how the law enforcement treats rape as if it was nothing more than a mugging, as if it isn’t ‘bad’, isn’t a crime, isn’t devastating. its not just the Netherlands, it is here in the US, too. the crime of rape is most often turned back to the victim, as if it was there fault all along. i am so terribly sorry for all that you went thru…the original rape, and the rape by way of those who were supposed to get justice, and make you safe again. i hope you are able to regain that positive place you recently had sooner rather than later. you are right, close family, friends, therapists, will be there for you, to help you be whole again.

  2. I can relate to this. Am going through something similar. Police investigating a sexual assault. Wanting all this info and for what? Just because I have ptsd and did? Its not right. I send you massive hugs and lots of support and love. Xoxox

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