Inside and outside

“Wow you’re so lucky, your mother is so great”

I had a birthday party quite recently. My birthday party.
I invited the girls over to my place, which was the first time for most of them.

They were all flabbergasted about the huge size of my apartment and the fact that my mum got this arranged for me. And of course I heard the sentences “you really have a cool mom” and “you’re really lucky with a mom like that”

A part of me was really hurt and another part felt like it wasn’t ok to feel hurt. Because it’s true right? My mum bought a house, so I could go live in it, before she could.

I talked to Justy about it (I talk to Justy a lot) and there are a few details left out above.

My mum bought this house so I could live in it = correct. (I still pay a lot of money every month to live here btw)

But.. my mom bought me this house BECAUSE I could not live with her anymore. And why not? Because she was living with her boyfriend (aka a replica of my dad). He triggered me so much, he made my life terrible. And she was not able to stand up for me. Whatever he did, it was ok. He chased away my sister.. my mom did nothing. I got hospitalized because of him, we had an argument. She did nothing.

So it came to a point.
Am I going to stand up for my daughter or am I going to have to get her a place of her own?

Yep, she chose the second one. I am really lucky with a mom like that.

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8 thoughts on “Inside and outside

  1. well, still, its something….but still, i get exactly what you mean about your mom’s priorities. my mom was a lot like yours, only i never got a house.

      • i had meant to also say, that i had to go completely no contact with my mother, due to her inability to perceive much less take responsibility for her almost constant abuse throughout my entire life. so, i was thinking that while your mom’s priorities are screwy, maybe in some way she is trying. and that yes, you surely deserve more and better from her, and maybe you will have to tell her your boundaries, what is ok and not ok, and enforce them to stop her treating you badly. and that a house doesn’t fix that.

        so, please know i was not trying to say a house fixes the abuse. i just meant that maybe she is trying and so maybe there is a chance for you and her, if you think its worth it. if not, that’s ok too! (sorry if i came off harshly)

        good luck no matter what. the most important thing is taking care of you.

  2. Nobody would chose a house over a proper mother. I’m sorry this happened to you. I think you are perfectly right to feel anger. She may have arranged for a place for you to safely live but that is not what she was supposed to do.

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