A bunch of words (Poems)

In the end the nights are still cold
The nights are still long
The nights are still old
The nights are still wrong

In the end the feelings are still too much
I still feel alone
I still feel his touch
I still feel overthrown

In the end I still long for peace
I still long for rest
I still long for release
I still long for the guest

For the guest is you
My beloved friend
You are my savior
My living amend

Please hurry back to me
I know that you can set me free
I know that you can undo the chain
And help me get rid of the agonising pain

To be honest
I still wish you were here
Your strong arms around me
Your presence near

Just to be frank
It hurts me terribly deep
That you don’t have time for me
I sit evenings alone and weep

And to be clear
I certainly do not regret
Cause at least now
I can still glance at your silhouette

I adore you like sunshine
I love you like a star
Youre as attached to my soul
As the pain is to my scar

Not a day goes by
Without you on my mind
Memories can be cruel
And time can be unkind

I carry on with my life
And I try my very best
To find my own way
To complete this quest

Feeling the absence of you
Makes my whole body ache
While every step takes me further
I feel I’m about to break

I miss you like happiness
I long for you like thirst
I search for you eternally
Yeah, sweety, you’re the worst.

I am angry with my mother
With thoughts full of rage
No mercy contained within
While I stuff her into her cage

I punish her for the neglect
For abandonment pain
I punish her for never helping
For this eternal storm and rain

To him I bow down
As anyone would to a king
Although he abused me
He got me on a tight string

Despite the 20+ years I live
All I feel towards him is fear
Guilt creeps upon me
The memories make me tear

I know I am a slave
To his will for ever more
And I can only pray
That therapy will break through the core

There are no words
That can explain
That will make you understand
The hold of this abuse chain

While it has stopped
For several years now
By stepping foot on this earth
I took a loyalty vow

I’m being held by ties
Stronger than metal
With no free will
Unable to settle

Everything in me
Is set the please
No matter what part of me
Is next in line to decease

Somewhere inside of me
Despite the anxiety attack
Is the hope you will help me break free
You will stand by me, by coming back..