Lyrics can be beautifully painful

Warning; this is a negative post and might include triggers!

Did you ever think of me like the lyrics?; 
“So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I’m gone, you’ll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall
It’d fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own?
If I could, then I would
I’ll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I’ll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I’ll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall
It’d fall upon us all
Well I hope there’s someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I’ll stay with you for all of time

If I could turn back time
I’ll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine”

I guess not. 

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again. Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did. It has not healed with time. It just show down my spine.
You look so beautiful tonight, reminds me how you laid us down…. and gently smiled…. before you destroyed my life.
Would you find it in your heart, to make this go away, and let me rest in pieces.

I open my eyes, I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light. 
I can’t remember how, I can’t remember why, I’m lying here tonight.
And I can’t stand the pain.. no I can’t make it go away, no I can’t stand the pain.
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away (3 AM)
I’m sick of this life… I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

There are days every now and again I pretend I’m okay.. but that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most, was being so close, having so much to say… and watching you walk away
Never knowing, what could’ve been, and not seeing that loving you; is what I was trying to do

I never could get drunk enough, to get you of my mind, until the night
I put the bottle to my head, and pulled the trigger. Finally drank away your memory.
Life is short, but this time it was bigger, then the strength I had to get up off my knees.
They found me with my face down in the pillow, with a note that said ‘I’ll you till I die’

I lost my love, my life, that night.
Never meant to start a war.. Really didn’t. 
Don’t you ever say, I just walked away, I’ll always want you.

She walks to school with the lunch she packed. Nobody knows what she’s holding back.
Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday, she hides the bruises with the linen and lace.
The teacher wonders but she doesn’t ask. It’s hard to see the pain behind the mask. 
Bearing the burden of a secret storm. Sometimes she wishes she was never born.
Somebody cries in the middle of the night.. the neighbours hear but they turn out the light
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate.. when morning comes it’ll be too late.
Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone, in a world that she can’t rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she’s loved..
A statue stands in a shaded place. An angel girl with an upturned face. A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot; concrete angel.

This I come home to.. this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growing up in WWIII, Never knowing what love could be
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done my family 
Can’t we work it out? Can we be a family? I promise I’ll be better.. I’ll do anything

I’m crying here, what have you done? I thought it would be fun
Can’t on your life support, there’s a shortage in the switch
Can’t stay on your morphine, its making me itch
I tried to call the nurse again, but she’s being a little bitch

Please, please.. forgive me, but I won’t be home again. 
Maybe someday you’ll look up, and barely conscious you’ll say to no one ‘isn’t something missing?’
You won’t cry for my absence I know, you forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant?
Isn’t something missing? Isn’t someone missing me?
Even though I’m the sacrifice, you won’t try for me not now. though I’d die to know you love me, I’m all alone
I know I am the sacrifice, and that you won’t cry for me not now. Yes I’d die to know you love me, yet I know you don’t
And if I bleed, I’ll bleed.. knowing you don’t care
And If i sleep just to dream of you.. how come I wake without you there?
Isn’t someone missing me? 

^This song was for my mother.. I used to listen to it when I was younger.. living at home and really thinking and feeling exactly like the lyrics

Hold on to me love.. you know I can’t stay long. 
All I wanted to say was I love you and I’m not afraid.
Can you hear me? Can you feel me in your arms? 
Holding my last breath, save inside myself.
I’ll miss the winter.. a world of fragile things. Look for me in the white forest hiding in a hollow tree.. come find me.
I know you hear me… I can taste it in your tears </3
Closing your eyes to disappear. You pray your dreams will leave me here. 
But still you wake and know the truth.. no-one’s there. 
Say goodnight, don’t be afraid. Calling me… calling me.. as you fade to black. 

Suicidal thoughts are all over the place. I feel like surrendering to… I don’t know who, but whoever is trying to kill me. Yeah.. surrendering to CPTSD.

CPTSD at my feet, whispers voices at my ear.. death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear. She beckons me shall I give in? Upon my end shall I begin? 
Forsaking all I’ve fallen for, I rise to meet the end.

Servatis a periculum 
Servatis a maleficum 

Don’t know why I chose these lyrics exactly. Was just listening to them on youtube, and felt like putting these ones down. Suddenly it stopped.. ? (The wanting to write down what I was listening to..) so uhm.. yeah, not feeling all to well. Can’t even expalin why, of course there are reasons, feelings, and thoughts.. it’s just a big mess.