I feel like I’m being slapped in the face, repeatedly.
Not just by memories of trauma. But by ‘everything’. Right now, I don’t really know why, my body is really aching.
My back (the lower part) hurts a lot. And I’m nauseous like crazy. Well, my back isn’t that much a problem (I walk like a grandma, but ok). But nauseous, causes some troubles.
Well the back too though, as anything that reminds me of having a body sometimes triggers, although back doesn’t that much.
Being nauseous right now, stops me from eating. The only thing I eat, that is bearable, are rice crackers. Otherwise, I’ll get so nauseous, which is triggering (I’ll go into that later). So it cuts the whole food thing off for me. At some point its good, I’m not able to eat a lot. But food has a function, it does help me survive in some way. So surviving right now seems harder somehow.
Being nauseous triggers me. I am terrified of throwing up. I can’t even begin to explain how scared that makes me. I have nightmares of myself (or other people, and me being around them) throwing up, and sometimes when other people around me throw up, the smell and sound of their throw up, makes me throw up in the end (in my dream).
Throwing up scares me so bad. It brings me in a constant state of panick. I have to do ANYTHING, to keep myself from throwing up. (Like only eating rice crackers, I’m not taking any chances!)
I’d rather have diarrhea all day, than throw up once.
I’m not sure why this triggers me, but it scares me so bad. I’m having a hard time even relaxing. Feeling the need to keep my chin up in the air as much as possible (which is ridiculous, because that won’t stop me from throwing up in the end).
Usually I do avoid stuff that would possibly make me throw up. So this is really bothering me. This nausea is completely out of the blue! It feels like a nausea after an overdose. But I haven’t taken one! I remember it starting on the weekend, and it just got worse. I’m gonna call the gp tomorrow.
Anyway, it’s out of the blue. I haven’t eaten anything weird. I havent done anything unusual. And definitely not something that should last this long.
Can I just sleep or disappear till my tummy feels better?