How CPTSD feels to me

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as far as I know these pictures were free to use, if not, feel free to contact me & I’ll remove it!)

I put this collage together with pictures from google, which is a good description to me about how (c)PTSD feels to me.

Pills (to numb everything), loneliness (walking alone, no people around you who understand you, labelled as mental, psychiatric patient, being an outcast), sadness (crying because the pain feels unbearable and rips you apart from the inside), broken (feeling broken, unfixable) and scared (childish fears).

It all seems negative, which it maybe is, but it’s also true in how I feel sometimes

But I do want to put the opposite here as well.

Pills to numb feels good, but we don’t need to. We ARE strong enough to hold our head above the water when every feeling washes over us.
Loneliness, yeah there aren’t much people who understand us. But not much means there are STILL people! Thank you WordPress and Twitter for bringing me in contact with these people, for those people to inspire me to hold on, and to those people to show me it does get better. And there are also people who TRY to understand, and try to help you where they can (though WE must do most of the work)
Sadness, it IS sad. It IS painful. It IS ok to cry about that. To grieve. But don’t forget we ARE strong enough to keep our head above the water! The pain does not define us.
Broken, we’re not broken, we are BENT and we CAN learn to love again (Pink – Just give me a reason 😉 ) it IS true. CPTSD IS treatable. And you can live a worthy life after/ the (c)ptsd. (or when you work on stabalizisation) with (c)ptsd
Scared, its OK to be scared. It’s ok to be alert. But don’t let childish fears (and by childish i don’t mean childish as in silly, but childish as in the fears you had when you were a child which WERE rightful and correct. You are older, stronger now. You ARE in control now. Take the control over your own life.
We HAVE a right to exist!

HOPE
I wont give up on us!
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up.

Cause even the stars, they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it

I am here to stay and make the difference that I can make.

I wont give up on us.
Ps. The glee cover of this song is my favourite! (Glee – I wont give up on us) 

By the way, this doesn’t mean I am doing perfect/good/the best. I am still in my process of recovering, and dealing/walking and falling down. But there’s nothing wrong with some positivity every now and then right? 🙂

Big hug to you all! 🙂
And one extra to you Justeramaajarvi!

xoxo
Brianna

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The children of the sun

Hi,

This song always makes me think its about abused children.

We’re coming from far
Over oceans of time
We’re coming from places we once left behind
We’re looking for love
In the heart of every man
We’re looking for reasons we’ll all understand

Chorus
We are (we are)
In need (in need)
We want (we want)
A place for everyone
We shine (we shine)
Through love (through love)
We are (we are)
The children of the sun

We follow our dreams
We’ll never stop
We follow our hopes
And we’ll never give up
Until we have found
The warmth of the sun
Untill we are born

Chorus
We are
In need
We want
A place for everyone
We shine
Through love
We are
For ever on the run

We are
In need
We want
A place for everyone
We shine
Through love
We are
The children of the sun

We’re coming from far
Over oceans of time
We’re coming from places we once left behind
We’re looking for love
In the heart of every man
We’re looking for reasons we’ll all understand

We follow our dreams
We’ll never stop
We follow our hopes
And we never give up
Until we have found
The warmth of the sun
Untill we are born

The children of The sun

(We shine Through love)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8f5PV5c86Uk

Am I the only one?
I do feel something beautiful can come out of this song. Awareness.. understanding.
Not just for the kids who are being abused right now but for the survivors as well. Could be someone who has just turned 18 and is struggling to deal with everything. But just was well someone who is 53 and is dealing/struggling with what happened.

Might be triggering!

I’m going to be honest, some are so damaged, and have none to little help, and they wont follow their dreams, they don’t believe in dreams.
When I was 13, I had a ‘dream’. I guess it was a dream. My dad always made sure I knew the importance of money. So I wanted to become a porn star. If it was up to me, I would have been when I was 13, but you had to be 18. So I thought; ‘ok, I’m going to be a porn star, I know how to do everything, I know how to get through it + I will make a lot of money’. Then I found out porn stars (the woman at least) have to be pretty. So that went out of the window. But then I thought of a whore. Yep, I wanted to be a whore, they earn a lot as well and don’t have to be pretty. So I thought I was able to pull that of. Doing the only thing I can do right, at least a little, pleasing a man.
I truly believed, 100%, that was my future job. The only thing I would be able to do. So yeah, it was my dream.
Nobody told me I had other options, to me there were no other options.
Looking back on that now, I think it’s a little sad. I truly believed, I was born for other mans pleasure’s. I am a person, but I don’t have rights, I have to please, I have to obey and be thankful that I can do that at least. No feelings whatsoever, that’s my job, that’s why I was born, that’s my mission in life.

I do think its weird a 13-year-old can think like that. It’s not okay to think like that. There’s nothing wrong with being a whore or a porn star, but it is, when you would be doing it for the same reasons I would have.
We have to help the children, or the adults who still believe like that. Because it is NOT true. EVERYONE has the right to exist, everyone has the right to say NO when it does not feel right, no matter who is crossing your boundaries. Everyone is a person, everyone has feelings and it is okay to express those feelings. Because you are worthy of that. You deserve to be happy and to be loved for the right reasons. You aren’t an object or someone’s possession. You are in control of yourself, don’t let anyone else control you/your life.

We will follow our hopes, and never give up.

I believe in all of you. I wont give up on us.

xoxo
Brianna