Today I saw Brandon. I was very nervous because of the (honest) email I sent him.
Of course when I got there and most of the time I was all closed up. But he still saw me, knew how I was doing and it touched me and made me so incredibly sad at the same time.
He described to be (on a scale from 0 to 10) that when you’re either on 0 or 10 you can’t live.. It’s either too cold (0) or too hot (10).
He said I’m probably on 0,5. Barely living. And it’s very ‘normal’ to feel dead at this point.
I don’t even know how to describe the talk we had. It was intense and heaviness of it all, the realisation, Brandon actually mentioning I’m barely alive (or dying, you name it) made me even cry more.
I’m glad he cares. He is one of the very few.
It’s weird to be at this critical stage now that I’m doing so much with my life (going out, study plans etc).
He wanted to schedule an appointment for monday. Another thing that shows his care and concern. It’s not like him to want to see me twice a week.