Acceptance and CPTSD

Hi,

I have been really quiet lately, on here, on twitter on internet overall actually.

Looking back on the period I think I have been very busy with dealing and accepting and fitting the CPTSD into my daily life and making everything as normal as possible. Now I realize that sounds negative, but it really isn’t. Because I’ve been ok with it. Still am. There are moments I still long for the company, but there are moments I just go out and squeeze myself into the crowd and try to be ok with what I can get from that, and strangely enough, it makes me happy.

I seem to have the best medication combination for myself right now (it took me 7 years to get to this combination so I think it’s ok to have found it by now πŸ˜‰ ) and step by step… maybe… I’m just moving forward.

Is it easy? No, it’s not. For instance, yesterday I got triggered real bad at therapy and there was absolutely no space for my problems. Brenda was very upset.
I had to deal with it on my own even though there were therapists around me. It made me a little angry. Why should I do this all alone? You are here around me!
But in the end, I’m glad I calmed her down by myself.

I’m still scared, and I still get upset. I still cry like a baby sometimes, and grab on to my security blanket like there’s no tomorrow, but somehow I seem to survive that every time.
Maybe it’s just what it is, right now. So, instead of trying to reprocess all the trauma, I’m trying to accept the trauma, and still be happy with my life. Still be smiling.

Although right now, I’m having a sad moment.. (I know it’s probably PMS) I feel I have more distance at the whole situation, instead of drowning in the sadness I feel.

Now I’m gonna take Brenda and myself to bed, because staying up while I’m this sad, is never going to do any good. I could use the sleep anyway πŸ™‚

xoxo
Brianna

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6 thoughts on “Acceptance and CPTSD

  1. I’m so glad you feel good about your meds now. That takes so long–too long–to happen. But it’s wonderful if you feel you’ve finally got the right combinations. There is no complete magic in the meds, though, as you found. Triggers will still have to be managed. I think you’re doing a pretty terrific job working on it. β™₯

  2. Acceptance a word, simple enough but it took me six months to finally start letting go and accepting me, my flaws, my strengths.

    Sounds like you have created some space for yourself, keep up the good work.

    You can heal and have developed skills that will serve you when that healing is complete.

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