What do you want?

Hi,

The last few days I’ve been very busy and didn’t really have time for the laptop.
Been a lot of out of the house and stuff and it was actually quite good.

Also took enough time for rest. (< which I think was the key to keeping it all balanced)

Tonight is the first time I’m going to work at the new volunteers place! I am very excited and a little scared.

I was just trying to figure out what to wear, since it’s going to be in the evening, I’ll be behind the bar, making sure people get their drinks and stuff while a band is playing their music and entertaining people.
Due to selfharm scars all over my arm (from pulse to shoulder) I can not wear short sleeves, so I was planning on wearing long sleeves, but something light, so I won’t sweat easily (sweat dripping down my body > feeling my body > trigger).

Usually I wear a tanktop beneath my clothes, I guess it makes me feel save, like something is still protecting my body, beneath my clothes. Brenda especially likes it.
But since it’s probably going to be very warm in there, I thought it would be better to take it off, so I won’t sweat as easily (due to too many clothes) and I’ll just take it off right now, so my body can get used to it.

So I took it off and Brenda started whining instantly. ‘Too naked, doesn’t feel ok, want to hide, under the blankets’ etc.
I put on my shirt (to be, for the evening > without the tanktop) and Brenda practically started screaming. The feeling of the inside of the shirt against my body and it was all just so disgusting, at this point I can’t even distinguish my thoughts from her. So I took it off and put my tanktop back on and went to the livingroom.

And right now I’m typing this.

What do you want Brenda?

If we keep the tanktop on, it’s gonna be hot! And we’re gonna sweat. Let’s be honest, you’ll get whiney about that.
If we take it off. We won’t sweat (as easily) but you’ll whine straight from the beginning.

So I guess the choice is easy, I’ll just keep it on.
Kinda bummed right now. Because a simple thing like ‘taking a tanktop off’ is too much to handle.

But ok, she’s fine now.

xoxo
Brianna

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