Seroquel/Quetiapine – My caretaker

Hi,

Obsessive as I am, or maybe it’s a little bit nicer to say ‘observing’ as I am ( 😉 ), I think I know why I tend to take my crisis medication (which is seroquel XR (also known as quetiapine)) sometimes and sometimes I really DON’T want it, although I can feel really horrible.

I’ve talked about me (Brianna) and the other me part, who is like a child part of me (Brenda). Well.. I think, and to be clear, this is what I think, that when I’m mainly thinking like Brianna, I will not take my crisis medication. Because I want to deal with this on my own. I don’t want to numb out, I don’t want the medication to knock me out into a sleep (which it does), I want do this on my own. Even if it means me losing something (like, self harm or something like that).

When I’m thinking more like Brenda, I long for the medication. The medication is my ‘mother’ who takes care of me. Who calms me down. Who puts me to bed and makes sure, everything will be ok for now.

Brenda-thinking only happens when I’m very triggered. Like saturday with the police, it was absolutely no problem to take the crisis medication.
However, before the police came, I was feeling like shit and suicidal as well… But there wasn’t a part of me thinking about taking the medication, I wanted to take care of this on my own! I don’t want to be knocked out! It doesn’t solve a thing! I get angry at people telling me ‘go get your seroquel’….. like; NO. That’s easy, because I’ll be off your back for a while. But the problem will still be here when I wake up.

But when I’m in a total Brenda modus.. Seroquel? Yes please!!!! *happy face*

Seroquel is the caretaker, for Brenda.
But definitely NOT for me.

Right now (today) I’m doing pretty ok actually. I’m keeping myself busy with working on my poem book (I’m making a book of my poems, and decorating each page with something! It’s distracting and calms me down. So I guess it’s a win-win!)

xoxo
Brianna

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6 thoughts on “Seroquel/Quetiapine – My caretaker

  1. Understanding why you do the things you do is a very important step towards healing! Although Seroquel is a very strong medication, it can be good when the alternative is a major crisis. I’m glad you don’t need it all the time, and I’m glad you’re doing well today. Take care 🙂

  2. I have always used queitiapine to knock me out so I don’t have to deal with what is going on in my head and the next day it is gone to begin with and I don’t have to deal with it. I know what you mean about it not being the answer and eventually I do have to deal with what is going on in my head and not use the medication as an escape.
    It is good (from the observing point) that you are thinking about your relationship with your medication and does help understand yourself too. I like the idea of making a poem book and decorating it, sounds like fun 🙂

  3. I have a difficulty with taking PRN medication as well (Seroquel and/or Valium) I never thought of it as a caretaker. Though I am considering it more. I always thought if I had to take it I was weak. Or giving in.

    • Thanks for sharing! 🙂
      The adult part of me, see’s it as weak as well. So I am really trying to make myself see it as taking care of myself, because it’s a lot better than something destructive.

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