No police for me please

Hi,

I think it’s save to say I haven’t been in the best place lately.
I was talking to my friend Saturday morning about how I was feeling. To me, it was nothing new. Nothing weird, I didn’t say anything different. Or suspicious. Nothing I might not have said the day before for instance. Of course, I talked to him about how miserable I was feeling, and how I didn’t really see how it could get any better, and to be frank; how I wanted to die.
But to be honest? I said that to him Friday aswell.

Suddenly he didn’t answer anymore. Although I could see he had been online since then (Whatsapp). Well ok, I figured he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I was a little hurt but I can understand it can be a burden to talk about heavy stuff like that. So I just let it go.

50 minutes later the doorbell rang.. I opened and TADAA, the police.

‘Somebody phoned us, saying they were worried about you’

Well just to paint a picture. My heart as racing, I was beyond scared. Brenda SCREAMED terror in my head ‘ABRAHAM!!’, I couldn’t stop shaking, I couldn’t even talk to the police. I just politely gave them my hand as a ‘Hi my name is……’ except, I couldn’t even say that. They asked me if they were allowed to come in. I couldn’t answer, all I could do was shake, and tears escaped from my eyes. I could notice one of them looking around and the other one focussing on my face (and my arm which is full of scars + a few fresh cuts). I was standing there in my pyjama’s, which means a tank top, and a short boxer pants. They were two huge men in uniform. Right in front of me. Very intimidating.

‘Can we go further?’
Brianna was still shaking and crying.
‘We’ll just go to the living room?’
Brianna was still shaking and looked at the living room.

I can’t even describe it. I know I texted my mum; Police is here. Get here now. < That I could do! Wow.
They started to ask me all kinds of questions. A part of me was still being smart, although Brenda was screaming, I knew… they’d put me in a cell if they take me.

One of the cops was real hard and not nice at all, he was very intimidating and scary to be honest. The other one was friendly actually, but unfortunately he didn’t say much. He did try to squeeze a sentence in when the other one was being so harsh and made me cry bad.

It all turned out ok.
My mum came, they left. I was ‘ok enough to not be taken away. I was not a danger to myself and/or others’.

But then I collapsed. I started crying like crazy. Shaking like crazy. I actually cried to my mum straight in her face saying ‘I need Abraham, mummy’.
I was sitting on the couch, she put a blanket over me and got me glass of water and my crisis medication.

Now, the day after…. I slept good thanks to the medication.
My house does not feel save. It’s like the police men are still sitting on the couch. Watching my every move. I don’t know what else to say except; my house isn’t save anymore right now.

xoxo
Brianna

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5 thoughts on “No police for me please

  1. Thank you for sharing this. I’m sure it was terrifying to have the police show up. How many times do we think, even say, we have no reason to go on? But this shows that some people aren’t going to just get used to it. It scares them. And for some, it has saved their life. I hope you feel better now and don’t be upset with your friend. He must care about you very much. ((hugs))

    • Thanks for your comment and support Mandy! 🙂
      I’m not mad at him, I was at first but I undersand he did it out of worry and not to ‘get back a me’ or something like that.
      But thanks for reminding me anyway, because it’s very easy to be mad at someone after this instead of looking at it objectivly.
      ((hugs))!!

  2. That is soo terrifying. I have been in the same spot so so many times. I dread seeing police still-no matter where I see them. Once they busted in my home in the middle of the night and dragged me out to the hospital (because I seemed groggy) and took my kids into state custody cause I couldn’t find a sitter at 3am. I lost my kids for almost a year (altho I could ‘visit’ them). And the kicker was, the hospital said I was fine and sent me home the same night! I was ‘groggy’ cuz I took my night meds and cuz it was 3am! All this because a ‘friend’ was worried when I didn’t answer the phone, and she called police. That call to police ruined my life because I lost my kids for nothing for a year.

    I know your friend and my friend meant well, but they just don’t understand. Their actions, well intended, are so damaging. Friends should talk to us, ask questions, to see where we really are instead of jumping to conclusions and making things worse.

    • Thanks so much for your reply. I know my friend meant well and I’m no mad at him. But he didn’t even try to contact me, no text, no phone call.. (and he could have come over himself) nothing. He just called the police on me. I felt real betrayed by him. But we alked about it and are ok now. The only thing is dealing with the after stuff now.
      I’m so sorry you went through something so horrible! And especially after the hospital said you were fine. Anyone would be groggy at 3 am with night meds!

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