Repeatedly being slapped in the face


I feel like I’m being slapped in the face, repeatedly.
Not just by memories of trauma. But by ‘everything’. Right now, I don’t really know why, my body is really aching.
My back (the lower part) hurts a lot. And I’m nauseous like crazy. Well, my back isn’t that much a problem (I walk like a grandma, but ok). But nauseous, causes some troubles.
Well the back too though, as anything that reminds me of having a body sometimes triggers, although back doesn’t that much.

Being nauseous right now, stops me from eating. The only thing I eat, that is bearable, are rice crackers. Otherwise, I’ll get so nauseous, which is triggering (I’ll go into that later). So it cuts the whole food thing off for me. At some point its good, I’m not able to eat a lot. But food has a function, it does help me survive in some way. So surviving right now seems harder somehow.

Being nauseous triggers me. I am terrified of throwing up. I can’t even begin to explain how scared that makes me. I have nightmares of myself (or other people, and me being around them) throwing up, and sometimes when other people around me throw up, the smell and sound of their throw up, makes me throw up in the end (in my dream).
Throwing up scares me so bad. It brings me in a constant state of panick. I have to do ANYTHING, to keep myself from throwing up. (Like only eating rice crackers, I’m not taking any chances!)
I’d rather have diarrhea all day, than throw up once.
I’m not sure why this triggers me, but it scares me so bad. I’m having a hard time even relaxing. Feeling Β the need to keep my chin up in the air as much as possible (which is ridiculous, because that won’t stop me from throwing up in the end).

Usually I do avoid stuff that would possibly make me throw up. So this is really bothering me. This nausea is completely out of the blue! It feels like a nausea after an overdose. But I haven’t taken one! I remember it starting on the weekend, and it just got worse. I’m gonna call the gp tomorrow.
Anyway, it’s out of the blue. I haven’t eaten anything weird. I havent done anything unusual. And definitely not something that should last this long.

Can I just sleep or disappear till my tummy feels better?


7 thoughts on “Repeatedly being slapped in the face

  1. Things have a tendency to come all at once, I’ve never understood why. All those triggers cause very strong emotional responses and our body suffers as well, not just our minds.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  2. I so understand this post. All of it 😦 I am so sorry you’re feeling poorly and I really wish I could take it away from you. Hope you feel better soon xxx

Feel free to leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s