TRIGGERING due to talk about self harm, negativity etc.
So just to be Frank, and by Frank I do mean totally, brutally Frank.
I know I’ve become fatter. I’ve gained weight. Not only was I already overweight but I actually managed to become even more overweight. I can see my normal bra not being able to contain this huge disgusting breast anymore. It disgusts me.
My enormous belly, full of fat, has become even bigger. Where these ugly breasts just lean on, because, let’s face it, they do need some place to hang out. Apparently my tummy is the hot spot right now.
This is one of those moments, I am able to call the doctors (eventhough it’s 12.04 am over here) and ask them to cut away all my fat because it’s disgusting)
It’s triggering. WHY DO I KEEP ON EATING? Jesus. Like I’m not ugly enough already. The only thing I seem to do is sit on the couch ALL DAY LONG. So the least I can do, is STOP EATING. I feel like I want to just tear off my arm and just start slapping myself in the face with it. I AM SO ANGRY.
I DONT want to go to therapy tomorrow. What can I wear? EVERYBODY WILL SEE THIS DISGUSTING BODYFAT.
Well it’s not weird. I’ve had the dumbest food schedule ever. Weirdest medication.
Right now, I’m just done. I’m about to cry. Oh, here I go. If only the tears had some calories in them. I hate myself. Why can’t I do anything right? I’m such a failure.
Self loathe washes over me and I can not do anything about it. Well I want to.. but I can’t. A part of me wants.
I should go to bed, right?
But the problem is. I only feel a little bit ok in bed, if I have a movie on my laptop… AND SOMETHING TO EAT IN THIS FILTHY WHORE MOUTH OF MINE.
I don’t know what to do.
Just sinking deeper and deeper.
Get me out of this body. GET ME OUT.