“Okay”

Hi,

So Boxing day wasn’t that much fun. I went to my sisters with my mother. And at some point she triggered the shit out of me. At first I didn’t feel good,  because I just knew I had to be there with a smile on my face, even though I didn’t feel like smiling. But knowing my sister couldn’t handle seeing me sad or anything but happy, I just have to smile.. that’s just how it goes.

And she has a puppy right, and he chews on his toy’s with a lot of saliva (which stinks!!!) and she smelled on it and was like ‘euw! this stinks!’ and then she pressed it under my nose. I am sensitive for things that smell strongly like that. And it made me gag. My mother was standing in front of me and as I started gagging, and I kind of lost touch with reality I grabbed my mums arm, hoping it could keep me here, or that she might help me stay here. But she didn’t.. well.. no, she didn’t. And I remember my sister saying ‘Brianna, stop being a baby, you’re overreacting, act normal, jeez’ afterwards I was shaking on my legs and ready to burst out in to tears.
Let’s just say it wasn’t the best day 😉

Yesterday was ok though, I had a vacation day planned but turned out i didn’t need it. Went grocery shopping and just had a normal friday.

Today however.. If someone would ask me how i was doing, I’d say I’m okay. Cause I guess I am. I don’t have suicidal thoughts or anything, nothing major has happened. I just feel like SHIT. I want to scream and cry and just crawl into someone arms and have them hug me and tell me it’ll be alright. That I will be alright.

Got a new years eve plan.
Since I’m alone and I hate that. I found out I still have 2 sedative medication-type-thingie’s. So I’m gonna take them. And that will probably mean, I’ll sleep my way through new years, well that’s the only positive thing about that whole celebration thing.

xoxo
Brianna

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