I have been quite quiet actually on here.
I do have some idea’s for blog posts but just can’t get myself to start.
I want to talk, but I can’t seem to find the words. I want to communicate, but I can’t seem to make the sound. I want the company, but I seem to make the contact.
I feel a little bit lost. Of course its 2.30 am and I’m not sleeping. Tuesday I have an appointment with the psychiatrist. Tomorrow (today, Monday) I have therapy… 09.00 am till 05.00 pm 😦 I just know I don’t need to put on any make-up because I KNOW I’ll cry it off.
My weekend was weird, since I felt sick, which triggered some stuff I guess.
I am doing ok I guess, I’m still here, haven’t self harmed etc.. but somehow I always feel myself glancing back at something that stayed behind.. or just switched course.
Every night’s getting longer, and this fire’s getting stronger baby
I’ll swallow my pride, and I’ll be alive, didn’t you hear my call? I surrender all.
I just want to be alive you know? Of course, I’m breathing and my heart is beating. But I feel hollow, empty. I can laugh, I can smile.. I can do it all.. but I just don’t think it’s real. It doesn’t feel real.
I am stuck and lost and stuck and lost all over again.
There are a million questions I’d like to ask, but no-one seems to know the answer. I can glance up to the sky all I want, but I can’t hear a thing. I can scream and shout all want, but the companion I once had, shut me out.
Of course this is one of my Im-feeling-depressed-night-blogs and yeah sure, it’ll be a new day after I wake up (even though it might be I wake up from a sleep of 1 hour).
Gonna go write some poems, usually I can express myself in them.