Can I whine please?

Hi,

So yeah, it’s whine time at Brianna’s here.

I feel like crap 😦
It’s like the helplessness if all over me and I’m drowning in it. I want to see Brandon and just cling myself to him… not really appropriate right 😉

I feel like walking around in the street, shouting out ‘Help me’, hoping someone will come out of their house and help me.
Help me with what? I don’t know, but just take this horrible feeling away.

Betty once said she doesn’t understand why I don’t take it away myself. If I knew how I could. This is that moment she’s talking about. Me just waiting ‘helplessly’ for someone who is never coming.
I know that, I KNOW I have to do it alone. Brenda is al whiny right now. I just can not think straight with her being like that.

It’s like I’m powerless. Trying to swim against the stream, knowing, in the end, I’ll just fall down the linn. Like I’m screaming and fighting, but for what? And against what?

I literally don’t know what to do with these moments. With these feelings.

A part of me is telling myself ‘It’ll go away eventually, endure..’ and the other part is like ‘shut up b*tch, I don’t care about that, the problem is I’m drowning right now. So go away with your long-term solutions, I want short-term solutions!’

Then it all goes in a big speed.
‘Damn I’m such an annoying girl!’
‘They must really hate me’
‘It’s like nothing will ever work for me’
HAHA, gotta love my memory troubles, I forgot what I thought/came after that xD
It wasn’t pretty, but I just forgot.

So uhm, I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to go to therapy tomorrow. Probably won’t be able to get a talk. And if I do… about what? I DONT KNOW WHAT GOING ON.

Might take a look to go see if Sander is online.. but I don’t even feel like talking to him. Don’t wanna talk to anyone. Leave me alone. I’m lonely

I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to have mental health problems. I want normal problems, and friends and family.

Gonna go to bed and watch a movie I guess.

It’s moments like these I wish I was in a clinic. Just go walk to the night nurse and talk to him/her. Go whine at him/her. Easy 😉

xoxo
Brianna

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2 thoughts on “Can I whine please?

  1. I might be a little silent, but I’m like your secret cheerleader. I’m cheering to you and believing with all my heart that you’ll make it through. I know it’s hard, it’s so damn hard somedays. I know you had this rough night, I know you are sleeping like shit, but I also know that you’ve been through a lot worse. You can do this!

    I’m here saying: Go bri, go!

    Also I’m sending you tons of hugs =)
    <333

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