Shame

Hi..

I am a little ashamed for my explosion yesterday, or anyway the post before this one.
Not doing that great actually, today was ok. Ok as in I only cried once today.

Tomorrow I’m going to a meeting. I’m gonna see some people who have self harm issue’s as well.

I don’t even know what to type, I’m just down I guess. I don’t want to talk. At this point I am kinda wishing someone was sitting next to me on the couch, just having fun, watching the Voice of Holland and just laughing, commenting, sharing opinions, shouting because the person we/I/she/he like(s) isn’t going through and stuff like that.

Sometimes saying sorry doesn’t mean things will go back to the way they were, it just means you wish they did.
To be honest, I didn’t see this coming, this amount of pain, I can keep pretending it’s not here and I don’t miss anything at all. But the truth is, the only thing I’m sure of, is that it’s here and I do. I feel like a bitch, a nagging bitch, who made her own bed and should lie in it. But I never meant to make the bed like this, I really didn’t. The silence around me is lancinating, the emptiness I see makes my eyes tear, but knowing it will never be filled by YOU, makes me want to die.

I guess I’ll be okay, but maybe just not today?

xoxo
Brianna

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