So It’s 4.15 am now and I’m wide awake. Well.. it’s not like I’m not tired because I really am. But my body is restless and I feel scared (not really for anything particular, just this scared feeling)
Being taunted a bit by the shadow people.
I know I’m whining about loneliness all the damn time, but this time it came up in my mind again. But I honestly don’t think it’d be easier if someone was with me.
Like either I’d get irritated for the fact that I can’t sleep and the other person is asleep (it’s not that I don’t want them to, it’s I want to sleep too). Probably the other person would want me to wake them, and I’d feel bad. Or the other person wouldn’t sleep because I can’t and I’d feel bad for getting them sleep deprived. So yeah, being alone at night is the best thing now.
But how do I get through the horrible nights? Besides, I only have to get up early 2 times a week!!! Which already knocks me down. My alarm goes off at 07.00 am and I’ll probably be home around 4 pm.
I do take naps during the day, but never longer than 2 hours! Like that’s my max. and I am glad for that because I get a little bit more rest, like just enough to keep me going or something like that?
I know I can get psychotic symptoms when I am sleep deprived, but just because of the lack of sleep. But that’s really scary. So I really want to avoid that. Especially since there is no one around really. So I do try to get a little rest during the day (which usually works good for me, I sleep fast and good the only thing that might bother me is I wake up really sweaty) which will help me cope through the night of 2/3/4 hours.
When I don’t have therapy (and don’t have to wake up early) I do sleep around 3/4/5 am, but I sleep a little longer, so I won’t sleep during the day.
But still.. these night things keep going on. It’s scary and tiring.
Everything in me wants to sleep, but then there’s like 30% that really really wants to sleep, and then there’s 70% that wants to sleep but is too scared to. So I’ll end up being awake.
It’s annoying because there is nothing in particular that I’m scared of, so I get kinda irritated by it, there is no danger so just go sleep ffs.
It’s 04.24 right now. Maybe if I am asleep by 05.00 I’ll get 2 hours! Let’s hope so.
I also always have this conflict in my mind about pulling an all-nighter and just hang on till 10 pm (I know I wont be able though).
Because waking up after 2 petite hours is soooooo rough.
Anyway, hope for a sleep within 30 minutes.