Night problems


So It’s 4.15 am now and I’m wide awake. Well.. it’s not like I’m not tired because I really am. But my body is restless and I feel scared (not really for anything particular, just this scared feeling)
Being taunted a bit by the shadow people.

I know I’m whining about loneliness all the damn time, but this time it came up in my mind again. But I honestly don’t think it’d be easier if someone was with me.
Like either I’d get irritated for the fact that I can’t sleep and the other person is asleep (it’s not that I don’t want them to, it’s I want to sleep too). Probably the other person would want me to wake them, and I’d feel bad. Or the other person wouldn’t sleep because I can’t and I’d feel bad for getting them sleep deprived. So yeah, being alone at night is the best thing now.

But how do I get through the horrible nights? Besides, I only have to get up early 2 times a week!!! Which already knocks me down. My alarm goes off at 07.00 am and I’ll probably be home around 4 pm.
I do take naps during the day, but never longer than 2 hours! Like that’s my max. and I am glad for that because I get a little bit more rest, like just enough to keep me going or something like that?

I know I can get psychotic symptoms when I am sleep deprived, but just because of the lack of sleep. But that’s really scary. So I really want to avoid that. Especially since there is no one around really. So I do try to get a little rest during the day (which usually works good for me, I sleep fast and good the only thing that might bother me is I wake up really sweaty) which will help me cope through the night of 2/3/4 hours.
When I don’t have therapy (and don’t have to wake up early) I do sleep around 3/4/5 am, but I sleep a little longer, so I won’t sleep during the day.

But still.. these night things keep going on. It’s scary and tiring.
Everything in me wants to sleep, but then there’s like 30% that really really wants to sleep, and then there’s 70% that wants to sleep but is too scared to. So I’ll end up being awake.
It’s annoying because there is nothing in particular that I’m scared of, so I get kinda irritated by it, there is no danger so just go sleep ffs.

It’s 04.24 right now. Maybe if I am asleep by 05.00 I’ll get 2 hours! Let’s hope so.
I also always have this conflict in my mind about pulling an all-nighter and just hang on till 10 pm (I know I wont be able though).
Because waking up after 2 petite hours is soooooo rough.

Anyway, hope for a sleep within 30 minutes.



2 thoughts on “Night problems

  1. Dear Brianna, worst thing for faling asleep, is wanting to sleep too much. Sleeping is kind of surrendering or letting go. One of the best advices I ever heard was `go to bed and decide not to sleep at all´. That person couldn´t stay awake!

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