Well.. It seems like I survived yesterday. I don’t even know how. It was all just such a mess.
I feel bad for my mum, she had to hear everything.
Which ended with me texting her; ‘I CANT. LISTEN TO ME. THE ONLY THING I WANT TO DO, IS DIE’
She didn’t answer.. though I saw she read it. But saying that did make me think.. If all I want to do is die, why haven’t i cut myself? Why haven’t I taken an overdose? So maybe a little part of me still has hope. Without hope you can’t live right? Actually realizing this made me stop crying.. and then I noticed how exhausted I was.
After a silence of 20 minutes I send her a crying emoticon. She said ‘I love you’, then I told her ‘Gonna go sleepy’ she said ‘Good idea, goodnight my sweet Brianna’.
I slept well though! Just heard my mum is on her way over here, and she told me she wants to take me to the McDonald’s, childish as I am, I am very excited now.
A bit worried for the rest of the day. Hope it’ll be okay.