How do you comfort someone?

Hello!

I’ve been wondering about this for a long time now. Well, long is exaggerated, but it has been going through my mind. Especially since I’ve been on WordPress, I’ve read so much things of which I wanted to comfort someone, or at least try to help them or show them I care. But how do you do that???

I know you can give someone a hug. When I was younger, I had 4 little neighbors, well little, I mean they were just young. About two of maybe 2 and two of four/five. I used to ‘play’ with them a lot. Mostly it was just me watching them while they were playing but it was nice. We’d spend whole summers outside. Of course sometimes they fell down and cried, the older ones were pretty tough and were okay. How ever there was 1 little one, who cried very fast. So when he fell down, I’d pick him up and hug him, rub his back, tell him he’s okay now, but bring him to his mum. Then I’d wait in the front yard for him to come out again, and he’d be all happy again. What the hell did she do 😛 ?
One time he fell and I guess he cried because he fell, so I brought him to his mum and when he got out he was happy. But then I saw a bit of blood on his knee, so I wanted to clean it off, but apparently he didn’t know there was blood. So when he saw there was blood, he started crying again 😛 so I brought him to his mum and then he came out all happy again. Haha kinda cute.

Since I’ve been taught in English (partially) I know when someone is hurting its ‘normal’ to say  ‘I’m sorry’ so, that’s what I do. Because I AM sorry that you are hurting or that it happened, but when you tell a Dutch person that, in Dutch. They are like ‘why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything?’ Then I don’t know what to tell them anymore. It doesn’t help to explain why I’m saying sorry, because they say its ridiculous. Well, I see their point, but I know mine as well. So I don’t know anything else but showing them that I care. For instance when something really touches me, I start crying. Or usually I just give a hug. With my sister for instance, I just hug her and say I’m sorry (she understands why I say that). With others I just give a hug. But how do you say what you want to say. Because when I’m on the phone with my sister, I can say I’m sorry, but hearing her cry so bad, hurts me so much and the ‘i’m sorry’ isn’t enough for me. I want to hug her.
I don’t seem to have the words to say to them.

Often online or over the text I say things with this ‘*’, like I’m doing that. For instance;*hug* (means you’re giving them a hug. So when someone feels bad about something, I talk in actions). It’s like I don’t know the words.

The gesture’s I do think I know. Hugs, an arm around the shoulder, a hand on the arm, a hand on the knee. But there’s just nothing coming out of my mouth!!

I don’t think it has anything to do with cheering up, because I don’t feel the emotion should go away. Just that the person needs to feel my support for them. Especially when they’re not near me, I want to tell them I’m here for them. But how do you do that?

It’s like I know the actions, I just don’t know the words.
I know how to put my face, so that someone understands what I’m feeling. I know how to put my face in neutral, so it’s harder to know what I’m feeling. i know how to look happy when I get a present, but I don’t know what to say when I get one except ‘thanks’. Which I really mean!!! But it doesn’t meet the big feeling of thank-ness in me. So I feel SO thankful and ‘thank you’ does not conform HOW thankful I am.

I literally don’t know what to say! *pulls hair out of head* (see, that’s what I mean, I’m frustrated, and now I know the word frustrated is connected to that behaviour because they taught me that in therapy when I was 16 :$ *ashamed*. Which I am so thankful for btw! I never knew there were so many different emotions and levels. disappointed for instance, I never knew how to express that! But they taught me that, and that it’s ok to be disappointed when you were excited about something that’s canceled (for instance)) Also seeing the other kids do it (express feelings) and see that the nurses aren’t getting angry with them for it.

Can I get an internet course on how to express emotions please? (Like the stupid need to go sit on the floor with an angry face till someone picks me up. I now know..well I don’t.. what the hell does that mean? I’m getting frustrated right now, because I don’t know how to tell someone what I’m feeling without showing the action)

 

Anyway, that’s whats on my mind right now. How do you comfort someone?
I don’t know 😛 !

xoxo
Brianna

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7 thoughts on “How do you comfort someone?

  1. I am so not good at comforting people. I am much more of a *fighter* I want to go to battle and destroy people’s problems and remove whatever is causing them pain, but that is very different than offering comfort. The only thing I am remotely good at in regards to comfort is going and being present with people during difficult times– I often go to the hospital and wait with people when their loved ones are in surgery, or during a trial or something. But even then my talents lie in distracting them, not really comforting. I’ll have to check back at the comments for some advice.

  2. Hi sweety,
    I will come back to this with you.
    You might need to remember me though (fishmemory =P)

    I hope you are ok! I know you had therapyday and you are being so quiet…
    I’m thinking about you and if there’s anything, please tell/ask.

    Take good care, Bri 🙂
    Nighty night and sweet dreams!

    Hugs! <333

    • Hi sweety!! 🙂
      Hahaha blub 😉
      I am ok I think, extremely tired, dissociating a lot, confused. Brenda is so whiny.
      Therapy was ok though!
      How are you doing? i’ll think about you extra tomorrow!!
      Take care as well sweety!
      Good night 🙂 may you and M have a good (long 😉 ) sleep!!
      Big hug <33

  3. Hi there! 🙂 Good to read you!
    Take good care of yourself! Only good, nice things for you tonight 🙂
    Dissociation is a sign you need to step back a little.

    I’m happy therapy was ok!

    So sweet of you to think about me tomorrow 😀
    Then it’ll be alright there 🙂

    xD I too hope that M. sleeps long this time! She has this habit of waking up several times a night and getting up early lately, sigh!

    Lots of hugs! 😀 <333

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