Hush little Brenda, don’t you cry

Hi,

Had the appointment with the gynecologist today. She was very sweet and only did an echo (from the inside) and my uterus looks ok. There’s nothing abnormal with it. She did ask me if I wanter her to take a look outside the uterus, like at the cervix, but that wasn’t necessary.

Talked to Brandon, and he did manage to calm me down a little, but I got irritated because he thinks its my intestines.. Well it isn’t. I can feel the difference between my intestine, bladder and uterus. But how do you explain that to a man?
‘No uterus, no opinion!’

And why is the pain while I’m on my period the same as when I am off? It’s the same kind… so stop focussing on that damn intestine.
I asked him about body memory’s but it didn’t seem like he thought that was the problem.

I went to the piercing shop with that friend, she got a piercing, and then I went home.

I feel like shit and I feel okay. Which makes no sense at all. I can feel I am about to cry any second, though i feel ok. So I kinda label it as Brenda wants to cry. She’s really whiny right now. But I feel ok. But I don’t know anymore. Getting confused and stuff.
Can’t I just stop crying? Shouldn’t I be happy that my uterus is fine?

The more I think about it, the more sad I get. Feeling hopeless. (What is this pain??????) Seriously how can I imagine pain? Because that pain seriously hurts like hell. It hurts so much, I am willing to consider operating on myself and taking that thing out. But I wont… because now I know there’s no damage and she told me she didn’t see a reason why I couldn’t get pregnant later on.
But no… that pain feels real. And it triggers me real bad. I’m getting to angry and upset right now. So I’m just gonna lie down with a movie (Pitch Perfect).

xoxo
Brianna

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17 thoughts on “Hush little Brenda, don’t you cry

  1. Sweety…
    I think it empowers itself. The pain triggers you, which leads to tension, which leads to pain. I believe your gyn was right when she said it was psychosomatic. You should look into this:
    http://www.somatictraumatherapy.com/

    Babette Rothschild has specialized in bodymemories in PTSD. She is a survivor herself and her theory is used in traumatherapy all over the world. I believe it is very valueable. Also for you, especially in this. Maybe this gives you the answers you need.

    Try to find things to relax. The movie is a good plan, also the lying down.
    I’m there. Stop fighting against your emotions. You have the right to feel this way. It is what it is.

    Take good care.
    Loads of hugs & some hot tea 🙂

  2. I had psychosomatic physiotherapy, but I quit because I couldn’t stand the therapists touch. She told me I had to stay present and I simply couldn’t. It was too much at the time. The site you found sounds good to me 🙂
    I’m now at the link I gave you reading an interview with mrs Rothschild, very interesting. Reminds me a lot of J.’s approach with me =O

    ❤

  3. There was a part about not touching clients. I thought: Wow, this is just J.! She also never touches (just handshakes at the beginning and end of session). She only embraces with words, but it’s exactly that distance she keeps that makes her feel incredibly safe 🙂 I think she does this purposely.

    Also the bodymemories part. She told me that and I didn’t believe it first, but she couldn’t be more right. Haha

    Have you found anything useful? 🙂

    ❤

    • Ah, Betty never touches me as well. Also just the handshake, one time she put her hand on my shoulder and I was like; WOW :|, wanted to hug her but I didn’t, I know thats not allowed 😛 But she’s very embracing with words as well.
      It made me think of my grandmother a little, so I’m writing some memories of her down right now 🙂 .
      I dont even know why the article made me think of my grandmother by the way.
      But the articles are very intresting!
      ❤

  4. 🙂 I’m glad you think of your grandmother. That’s possitive, right?! 🙂

    It’s so funny. J. did exactly the same with the hand on the shoulder, just this one time! It was when we had this meeting with all these caretakers and she had to leave earlier. She held my shoulder and smiled, wordlesly stating: “You’ll manage” I felt soooo supported xD

    I’m looking forward to reading about your grandmother 🙂

    ❤

    • Yeah, very positive! 😀

      Haha, I felt so supported as well!! I had just had a talk with her and my mum, and at the end she put her hand on my shoulder, haha xD

      ❤

    • Thanks!
      Can’t seem to read it, the page is full of advertisement I cant click away :/ first about the Staatsloterij, now about losing weight. Advertisement overdose 😛

    • Even creatief gekopieerd, en in mn mail naar mezelf gestuurd, en heb het net gelezen. Dat het verband houdt met een trigger kan ik me wel voorstellen. Vaak merk ik dat ik inderdaad gespannen ben om iets.
      Bedankt voor het delen meid!

  5. Goed gedaan meis 🙂
    En graag gedaan.

    Ergens op mijn blog heb ik geloof ik ook een stuk geschreven over lichaamsherinneringen en over wat J. me er over uitgelegd heeft. Ik ga dat morgen even doorspitten. Misschien heb je daar ook nog wat aan.

    Ik denk dat het belangrijk is om je triggers in kaart te brengen en om je spanningsniveau om laag te kunnen brengen. Ik denk ook dat je jezelf moet vertellen dat je veilig bent; het is 2013 en niemand doet je nu pijn.
    Misschien dat je pijn dan veel minder zal worden…

    Sterkte liefie en knuff

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