Had the appointment with the gynecologist today. She was very sweet and only did an echo (from the inside) and my uterus looks ok. There’s nothing abnormal with it. She did ask me if I wanter her to take a look outside the uterus, like at the cervix, but that wasn’t necessary.
Talked to Brandon, and he did manage to calm me down a little, but I got irritated because he thinks its my intestines.. Well it isn’t. I can feel the difference between my intestine, bladder and uterus. But how do you explain that to a man?
‘No uterus, no opinion!’
And why is the pain while I’m on my period the same as when I am off? It’s the same kind… so stop focussing on that damn intestine.
I asked him about body memory’s but it didn’t seem like he thought that was the problem.
I went to the piercing shop with that friend, she got a piercing, and then I went home.
I feel like shit and I feel okay. Which makes no sense at all. I can feel I am about to cry any second, though i feel ok. So I kinda label it as Brenda wants to cry. She’s really whiny right now. But I feel ok. But I don’t know anymore. Getting confused and stuff.
Can’t I just stop crying? Shouldn’t I be happy that my uterus is fine?
The more I think about it, the more sad I get. Feeling hopeless. (What is this pain??????) Seriously how can I imagine pain? Because that pain seriously hurts like hell. It hurts so much, I am willing to consider operating on myself and taking that thing out. But I wont… because now I know there’s no damage and she told me she didn’t see a reason why I couldn’t get pregnant later on.
But no… that pain feels real. And it triggers me real bad. I’m getting to angry and upset right now. So I’m just gonna lie down with a movie (Pitch Perfect).