I had a very good sleep, I guess I slept about 12 hours, deep and without waking up.
Then I called the centre where I go for treatment and asked if Betty could call me back. She did, and she said she wasn’t directly alarmed about the whole mess in my head/dissociation, but she thought it was concerning that I was dissociating so much again (last time it was so frequently, it was when Abraham was in my life). But she assured me she isn’t going to ship me off without any good reasons for it. She did make a note about the dissociation and the Brenda/Peter stuff, but she said it wasn’t an ‘OH MY GOD’ situation where she felt she had to do something directly.
She said I sounded good over the phone and that I had handled it well yesterday. I did cry a little in our talk yesterday and she said it was good that I could let my emotion out, and she could see that things did hurt me. She gets to see the angry me a lot lately, but not the sad part of me.
Then I just went on with my new tradition. Clean-your-house Tuesday! Haha, i just spent an hour cleaning. But it wasn’t about the time, I just wanted everything to be clean. When I was younger and I cleaned I was like ‘ok, how can I do this, as quick as possible?’ Now I’m more like ‘how can I do this as clean as possible? I don’t care how long it takes’. So everything is clean again. I’m not satisfied with the dust in my house, but my sister is giving me tips about that. And she just explained to me how to clean the shower. Which things to use (I have to buy those friday while grocery shopping) and how to clean. So sweet of her 🙂
I feel more in control of my life and house right now. I am able to keep things clean and livable. I’m proud of that!
I do have to do my laundry, but the dishwasher is running now so I can’t turn on the washing machine, they go on the same switch-plug. I’m afraid I’ll get a big BOOM when I put both of them on 😛
So I’m going to try to do that tonight. So maybe I can have fresh clothes on thursday 🙂
What a beautiful day today!
I’m feeling good, my house looks good, my cats are doing good. 🙂
I feel like I have new strength and am able to fight and work through things again.