It’s going to be a short one.
I am VERY tired still. I miss a lot of time from yesterday and today. I guess I’ve been dissociating. Which sucks… but outside the dissociation I do feel ok, just very tired. Sometimes, like I’m slipping away and not really here (which could be a form of dissociation as well?)
Still a bit confused, things just don’t match. Like day’s and seeing faces outside in public of which I’m sure I know them, but I don’t know where from.
I do keep track of the date and time, but I just don’t trust I’m reading it correctly. Like my mind may read ‘October 5th 2013’, but it feels like it’s not. It’s weird to explain. I just don’t trust my eyes and brains on getting the right information. So I do check up a lot where I can, with people and other stuff like laptop, tv etc. It just doesn’t convince me.
I don’t think I did anything special yesterday,
Today I went to a wedding shop with my sister, mum and her wedding planner (my sisters) to shop for a wedding dress. I’m glad we found it. She did look very happy in it, and of course gorgeous, but she looks beautiful in any wedding dress (She has a BEAUTIFUL figure, really petite, but it suits her, because she’s build like that. Plus she is tinted so the white wedding dress doesn’t make her look pale. Anyway, she’s beautiful, 🙂 I’m glad she found something she’s happy with!). I didn’t think she’d find one today, but she did. I woke up at 7 am and just got home. We been riding through most of Holland haha. Made about 450 km. I did try to be strong and ‘survive’ I guess, do miss a lot of time and a lot of ‘slipping away’. I’m glad I’m home, I’m gonna sleep soon and it will probably be a long one again. Its frustrating I can sleep for 8-10 hours and still wake up exhausted.
Not really keeping my house clean, just the necessary things like the litter box.
I’m really close with my cats the past week, they are around me all the time. Well they’re always in the same room as I am, but now they really want to be close to me and next to me. It does feel like they’re watching me. When I wake up at night, from a nightmare (hasn’t happened the past week though) and I am alone (which almost never happens, most of the time there’s always on of them with me) I just need to call the girl’s name and she’ll come directly and comfort me. Really sweet 🙂
So, just gonna listen to some music, maybe sing a little 🙂
Tomorrow a rest day, I have nothing to do except rest 😉