I want to be a positive blog, but then I thought, positivity is about honesty right?
So to be honest; I’m not feeling that well right now. Just since an hour or so.
Its ok, I’m still stable. It’s just that I’m feeling sad.
Feel like cutting I wont though, it won’t help. Well maybe now, but not tomorrow. The best thing to do is to go through this in a healthy way.
Back to the honesty thing, I do think it’s okay for me to feel like this right now. It’s not bad, it’s not wrong, it’s understandable and okay. I know I’ll get back on my feet again, maybe even tomorrow, and if not, the day is full of chances to stand back up again. But its important for me now to see my pain, understand the pain, give it the attention it needs, but not to drown in it. I will be fine, I know I will.
It was about honesty right? So yeah, I’m honest, and I think its positive because life is full op ups and downs, and I guess while you’re dealing with (c)ptsd the downs can feel/be a lot deeper, but i/we will get through those as well.
Should I type more? I don’t know.. I feel like it, but I don’t want to go in to deep, might trigger me. Or am I avoiding stuff like that?
I’ll give it a try. I’m not having any images, but I feel a lot. I don’t feel someone touching me, but I feel the effect of someone touching me. What the hell is that? A flashback? I don’t even know if there’s a name for this. In Dutch they have two words; flashback (same as in English) and ‘herbeleving’, google translates it as ‘reliving’. I don’t think its ‘reliving’ because I can see my environment, I am typing this, and it is 2013. But my feelings don’t match. It’s not a flash of feelings, its constant.
Well it doesn’t matter what it’s called, I know it will go over.
I’m already in bed now. Trying to create a save place for myself.
Feel like crying, maybe I should.
It will be okay though, I know it will. Just having a little bump in the road. No worries, I know how to lift my feet the right way. (& even if I didn’t, or you didn’t, its ok, you can stand up and try to move forward again.)