It’s a bumpy road sometimes

Hello,

I want to be a positive blog, but then I thought, positivity is about honesty right?
So to be honest; I’m not feeling that well right now. Just since an hour or so.

Its ok, I’m still stable. It’s just that I’m feeling sad.ย Feel like cutting I wont though, it won’t help. Well maybe now, but not tomorrow. The best thing to do is to go through this in a healthy way.
Back to the honesty thing, I do think it’s okay for me to feel like this right now. It’s not bad, it’s not wrong, it’s understandable and okay. I know I’ll get back on my feet again, maybe even tomorrow, and if not, the day is full of chances to stand back up again. But its important for me now to see my pain, understand the pain, give it the attention it needs, but not to drown in it. I will be fine, I know I will.
It was about honesty right? So yeah, I’m honest, and I think its positive because life is full op ups and downs, and I guess while you’re dealing with (c)ptsd the downs can feel/be a lot deeper, but i/we will get through those as well.

Should I type more? I don’t know.. I feel like it, but I don’t want to go in to deep, might trigger me. Or am I avoiding stuff like that?
I’ll give it a try. I’m not having any images, but I feel a lot. I don’t feel someone touching me, but I feel the effect of someone touching me. What the hell is that? A flashback? I don’t even know if there’s a name for this. In Dutch they have two words; flashback (same as in English) and ‘herbeleving’, google translates it as ‘reliving’. I don’t think its ‘reliving’ because I can see my environment, I am typing this, and it is 2013. But my feelings don’t match. It’s not a flash of feelings, its constant.
Well it doesn’t matter what it’s called, I know it will go over.

I’m already in bed now. Trying to create a save place for myself.
Feel like crying, maybe I should.

It will be okay though, I know it will. Just having a little bump in the road. No worries, I know how to lift my feet the right way. (& even if I didn’t, or you didn’t, its ok, you can stand up and try to move forward again.)

xoxo
Brianna

 

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7 thoughts on “It’s a bumpy road sometimes

  1. Hi Bri,
    Ofcourse it’s ok to feel sad!
    What first hit me about this post IS your stability. You regulate your thinking. I’m impressed and really proud of you! Also that you didn’t cut yourself. That’s a real achievement. You stopped yourself from giving yourself such a negative message. Really good! =)

    I hope you are feeling better now. If not: Just cry. Just try to feel what you need and act on it. You have every right to feel sad and take care of yourself!

    And man! You really are on the good way
    I’m cheering =)

    Just this trunkload of hugs for you, because you deserve them all!

    X

    • Hihi ahhhh you are soooo sweet!!!
      Thanks so much ๐Ÿ™‚ I fdon’t know what to say about all your sweet compliments ๐Ÿ˜€ just; thank you! I do feel the same way, my stability is like so big. I do have bad moments, just had one tonight, in which I was sure the only thing that could help me was cutting, somehow I postponed it to a point where I fully realized, cutting is not the way. So I didn’t, calmed myself down (with help of a friend) and now I’m back on my feet, haha. (I’m a little scared I’m pushing my feelings away, but I’ll talk about that with Betty or Brandon, to see if they think I am.)
      Turnkload of hugs back sweety, you deserve them too!!!
      x

      • This only makes me smile more!
        It’s really good the way you are dealing with things. I don’t think you’re pushing away feelings, because you are adressing them and naming them and accepting them to just be there.

        You can’t make this feeling bad to not happen, but you can choose healthy behavior. You did that! Well done. You took care of yourself and kept in contact with others; the Friend. You reached out. Good job! I keep being proud of you, you should be too ๐Ÿ™‚
        You deserve all compliments.

        Take good care sweety! ๐Ÿ™‚

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